Thursday, 20 September 2018

The candy eater

I was walking with my friends to hang out. My Friends were very noisy and crazy. It turned like a disaster until we saw a candy shop. After awhile we went inside. One of my friends well Antonette was screaming to death. Antonette was drooling with her eyes wide open. I wasn’t that surprised at Antonette. A few minutes later we were going but there is one problem. Antonette was rushing to get all the candy. Then she got kinda small. I didn’t really care cause it was her choice. After Antonette eating all the candy she went home to lose some weight. I’m sure she won’t lose weight said Siale. The next morning Antonette stayed up till five, she lost abit of weight but she always eat candy with her other friends. So we hanged out again to see if the candy shop is closed. As we walked there was lots of people complained” Where is the candy?!?!” “WHY??!!?!?”. Everyone was so sad without the candy shop. Antonette felt so sad, so she went home to cry on her unicorn. “Unicorns Why? Why have I done This Unicorn things?”Antonette Stared at candy, Until She made a idea. She made a store with lots of candy. More than One million.
But Guess What? She ate them all but she had more so she had no worries. One Hour Later lots of people went to her shop and it was amazing. Siale was surprised so as me.Isn’t this amazing guys?‘Yes’Thank you for cooperating but you didn’t help so lets own the stores together.
The Children brang lots of money. But it was super cheap no need one hundred bucks.
Suddenly we earned lots of money over a hundred. Over night we went home. It was 24/7 to close.As we went there was a burglar. “Oh uh We forgot to lock the cabinet” Said Antonette. “Oh Mah Gash” I said. "How could you?"
I was scared but we had security cameras to watch what’s happening. Right now lets go to the security room. As we went by, the toilet light was on.
“Who is there?” The burglar Duhhh. We went to the t.v Screen looking at the burglar eating the candy. We Sneakily went to the bench sitting down and went to our store as we went, We got Handcuffs to get the burglar. Oh No the candy yelled Antonette.
We Called the Cops as we tried to catch the burglar. “Snook Snook” Who’s there? Asked the burglar.“YESSS!! We Got the burglar?”*Wee Ooo Wee Oo Wee Oo*The Cops came. Hopefully there is still more candy to sell for the children's THE END.



2 comments:

  1. Kia ora Zipporah, it's Antonette from St.Bernadette's School.

    I liked the way you made your story very funny. I really like the part here your story says “Unicorns Why? Why have I done This Unicorn things?” Maybe next time you could check your spelling so that your story makes more sense. Keep up the great work Zipporah!

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  2. Bonjour Zipporah, it's Siale from St Bernadatte's School,

    I really enjoyed the way you made the story funny the part I liked the most was when you said "Oh Mah Gash". Something I think you could work on is maybe your spelling and make sure that everything is correct and maybe to put in more detail next time but apart from that everything is amazing. Keep up the awesome work Zipporah!

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Thank you for your positive, thoughtful and helpful comments.